Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
