I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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