Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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