ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize