I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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