Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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