highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
