im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
