He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
