I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
