we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
