that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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