She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
