mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am one with the molecules
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
