please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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