why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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