spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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