I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
