you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
