The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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