he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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