We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wannas sexs uuuuu
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
