Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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