when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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