either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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