butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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