The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
