You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You ruined the universe
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
