You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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