I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
