where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
