I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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