Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
