is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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