After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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