are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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