Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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