and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
