My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
