Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's blow job season.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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