omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
