I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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