I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
