So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
