Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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