We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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