I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
