I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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