Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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