I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
