Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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