My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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