Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
