I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
