i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
