I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
