worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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