That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Your cock deserves a montage
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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