dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
