We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize