I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
